A 36-year-old woman has revealed how she chose to become a single mother after a male friend volunteered to sleep with her and be the biological father – provided he didn’t have to take on any parental or financial responsibilities.
Lindsay Bryan, 36, decided to pursue motherhood by herself after a string of bad relationships left her convinced that she shouldn’t wait for the right man to start a family.
The accountant, from Springfield, Missouri, shared her thoughts with her friend, who she has chosen not to name, and he offered to be her donor.
They struck up an agreement that they would sleep together so that Lindsay could conceive her child naturally, but that the father’s name would not appear on the birth certificate and he was not obliged to be a part of the child’s life.
Going it alone: A 36-year-old woman has revealed how she chose to become a single mother after a string of bad relationships left her worried she would never find a partner
Motherhood: Lindsay Bryan, from Missouri, made the decision to parent a child alone last year and began looking into sperm donation – before a friend offered to father a baby with her
Helping hand: The unnamed male friend agreed to sleep with Lindsay so that she could try and conceive naturally, however the man didn’t want to have any obligation to raise the child
Lindsay is overjoyed to be a mom to Jack, 12 weeks, and added that she was happy with her unconventional route to motherhood.
She said: ‘I can’t imagine my life without Jack. I’m very happy that I pushed through the fears of what other people would say or think.’
Lindsay always wanted to be a mother but said that her focus on her career had not helped her love life and that by the age of 35 she had not met the man she wanted to raise a family with.
Success: Lindsay and her friend had sex on one occasion last year, and in October, she learned that she was pregnant
She added: ‘Being so career-focused through the years, I just had a bad line of relationships.
‘I ended up with two guys who cheated on me and one guy just wanted to hang out all day playing video games.
‘I opened myself up to the idea of doing it on my own. I have a good job, a stable home and a good family support system.’
When Lindsay’s mother Jan passed away from lung disease in 2016, at the age of 63, her desire to become a mother intensified.
She said: ‘It made me realize that life is short and you can’t wait around and hope that things will happen because you are not promised tomorrow.
‘I started traveling by myself a lot more, I went to nice dinners by myself. I stopped letting being by myself hold me back from doing things.’
She also believed that quarantining alone during the pandemic made her realize how much she wanted to be a mother.
Lindsay added: ‘I was home alone from March 2020 to August 2020.
‘My life was on pause and I took a look around and thought: “I’d like to have a child.”
‘I had traveled the world and experienced a good career and I was ready to dedicate my life to raising a child.’
Although Lindsay had investigated going to a sperm bank, she had not committed to the process and when she shared her feelings with her friend over beers, he offered to be the father of her child.
Overjoyed: Before Lindsay slept with her friend, they made an agreement that freed him from any obligations, either financial or pastoral – and he is not listed on the birth certificate
Newborn: Lindsay gave birth to her son Jack on May 24, 2021 and she says that her friend has not yet met his child
Concern: Lindsay admitted that she is nervous her friend will change his mind about wanting to parent Jack, particularly if he meets a partner who wants to claim partial custody
‘We were having a beer together one day and I mentioned that this was something on my mind,’ Lindsay added.
‘I never asked him but he said that he thought it would be really cool to be able to give me something that I really wanted.
‘At first I didn’t take him seriously but a month later, I said: “Were you actually serious about that?”‘
He said that he was and the pair quickly established some ground rules for the arrangement.
‘We had an agreement from the beginning that I wouldn’t list him on the birth certificate,’ Lindsay shared. ‘I wasn’t trying to get money out of him or get him to be a co-parent.’
Lindsay and her friend slept together once and she discovered that she was pregnant in October 2020.
She was so shocked to conceive so easily that at first she feared she had COVID.
Lindsay said: ‘It was the first attempt and I wasn’t expecting that I’d be able to get pregnant.
‘I went to the doctor thinking I had COVID because I was feeling so awful and tired.
‘It caught me off guard that the first time of trying it, it worked. It was meant to happen.
‘My due date was my mom and dad’s wedding anniversary – I feel like this was my mom’s gift to me.’
Lindsay gave birth to Jack on May 24 and said that her friend has not yet met his child.
She admitted that she sometimes feels conflicted that he does not want to see his baby.
‘He has not met Jack,’ Lindsay shared. ‘I texted him on the day that I was in labor and he checked in and asked how everything was. We still chat from time to time.
Support: When Lindsay went into labor, she let her friend know and says he checked in to make sure everything was OK, however he has not yet tried to meet their son
Speaking out: Lindsay insisted that she had no regrets about how she became a mother and said she chose to share her experience so that other women can learn from her
‘It is a little conflicting for me as part of me would like him to meet him but I know that he’s chosen through our agreement to not be involved.
‘I told him that in my ideal world he could be a male figure in Jack’s life. He is my friend and there’s no reason he can’t be Jack’s friend.’
However Lindsay said she is sometimes afraid that her friend will fall in love with their son and want custody.
The pair never visited an attorney or signed a contract setting out custody rights.
‘I do have an underlying fear that he could change his mind and want to be a bigger part of Jack’s life,’ she confessed.
Despite her worries, Lindsay ins
isted that she had no regrets about how she became a mother and has chosen to speak about her experience after realizing there were very few resources available to women considering a similar arrangement.
‘A lot of people think you are a man-hater if you do this, and that’s not the case for me,’ she said.
‘To biologically have a child you only have a finite amount of time and I didn’t want to miss out on it just because I haven’t gone through the steps that society says you should take.
‘That just wasn’t how it played out for me. I’m doing things in a different order.’
Although she admitted it can be challenging alone with a newborn, she pointed out some benefits to life as a single parent.
‘I get to be the decision maker,’ she said. ‘You already have enough people giving you their opinions on how to parent, I can trust my gut instead of having another person with their own feelings and viewpoints.
‘I don’t have to deal with in-laws.
‘I think I have a stronger bond with my son because these first couple of months, it’s just been the two of us.
‘I also don’t have the expectation of a partner helping me because sometimes you have unmet expectations.
‘All of this responsibility is not a surprise to me. Any help I do get is just a blessing.’